lonely, sick and tired
grieving is lonely. i am home alone a lot. i rarely get phone calls during the day cause no one checks in on me and i am not going out for lunch or tea or coffee or drinks with anyone. it kinda sucks. so i feel like i *should* go out and do something but when i have even 1 plan for the day, i often feel overwhelmed, like it takes a lot of energy to go out to do one thing. it’s confusing. i am agitated staying home and agitated going out. i wish friends would call or someone would ask me about my mom once in a while but then when someone actually calls, i may or may not answer the phone, depending on how tired or sick i am feeling at that moment. i am still not eating regularly. i am not sleeping well, or enough (last night i went to sleep at 1am, woke up at 4:30am, i couldn’t get back to sleep, i listened to a meditation cd and got back to sleep by 6 but my alarm was set for 7:30am). i’ve been sick for a solid 3 weeks now and have been trying to address it by taking olive leaf extract (via kelly’s advice), i’m making copious batches of raspberry leaf, nettle, elderberry and rosehip tea (via beth barbeau), i’m megadosing with emergen-C. i saw a homeopathic dr so i am taking ignacia (remedy) and star of bethlehem (flower essence). i have some coughing syrup with codeine fro the traditional doc but it makes me feel hung over the next day so i am not taking that. i cannot sleep but listen to a meditative CD to help, when i remember. i just signed up for a yoga class but i have not been to ceramics in 3 weeks because i have been too sick…and i love ceramics! and on monday, when i called beth barclay, i realized how alone i feel in all this. my friends are all caught up in their own lives. i guess i am saying all of this to say that i just felt like complaining. blah. ugh. ick. pa-tooey.